George: Did I tell you about yesterday's prayer at work?
Mike: No, you did not.
George: Well! Get ready for storytime!
Mike: Yaaaay! Story time! Let me get some popcorn and a blanky.
George: Yesterday, I was on the dispatch floor chatting with a coworker, and was about to leave for lunch with a friend
George: I said as much, and she asked if I would bring chocolate back for her.
George: I said, "I'll pray about it."
George: A bunch of people stared at me.
George: "If I get any response – any at all – then I'll bring you back some chocolate."
George: A few people laughed. (Those are the atheists – I can tell.)
George: Someone who is religious heard me. She said, "George! C'mere!" and handed me an Andes thin mint.
George: I raised it over my head and said,
George: "OH, GREAT OSIRIS! Lord of the underworld!"
George: "Hear this request from your humble servant!"
George: "Please provide us a chocolate repast!"
George: Then I handed it to her, and walked out.
Mike: Suppressing laughter so I don't have to explain…
Mike: Holy shit, that was awesome.
George: The coworker who handed me the piece of chocolate seemed rather upset, but this is the same person who I’m pretty sure once faked having cancer. So, you know. Good Christian, and all that.
Mike: Of course she wasn’t faking it. She just prayed really, really hard.
George: I’m sure.
George: Like when I prayed for chocolate, my prayers were answered!
George: If they try to fire me, I'll just sue them for discriminating against my worship of Osiris.
Mike: I doubt they're going to try – I mean, your prayer worked. If anything, they should promote you.
Mike: Or deify you.
George: They've practically already done the latter.
George: The people here love me.
George: Which just means I have them fooled.
George: Fooled, I say! FOOOOOOLED!
Mike: The fools!
George: Maybe once I tire of this launching into prayer thing, I'll just start claiming that I am <insert one of Lucifer's many names here>.
Mike: That might get you in trouble. Claiming to be the devil has, traditionally, not worked out for people.
Mike: Not worked out well, anyway.
George: Depends on context.
George: "How do you get these computers to work again, George? I tried everything!"
George: "I'm Baphomet."
Mike: "George, you got this project done in record time!"
Mike: "Well, it's easy when you're a fallen angel."
George: "George, where are you from?"
George: "God. I'm kind of the black sheep."
Mike: "What's your education background?"
Mike: "I've studied everything mankind has done since it was mature enough to invent me as a symbol of what torments them."
George: I picture being burned at the stake as a win.
Mike: Well then I wish you godspeed.
Mike: Or, you know. YOUspeed.
George: I should start saying that, too.
Mike: Hmm. I'm a friend of the devil. I wonder if that makes me a terrible atheist?
George: It makes you a really determined one.
Mike: I suppose it does.