George:
George: When I was younger, I had enjoyed handing out candy to little kids.
George: They're easy to trick.
George: My favorite was to grab a huge handful of candy with one hand,
and dip that hand into the first kid's bag – and only drop one piece of candy.
George: They always – ALWAYS – assumed that I had dropped the entire
handful, and rushed off gleefully before my hand was even fully out of the bag…
George: …with most of the candy.
George: Which downright astonished the other young kids. Like I did the
world's greatest magic trick.
Chris: heh
Chris: Not anymore though?
Chris: All the joy gone out of you?
Chris: Crushed by life?
George: Oh, yeah. There's just a dark, empty pit where my heart used to be.
George: Sometimes I keep a stone in there to feel what it was like way back
in the day, but mostly that just feels like indigestion.
George: Gay indigestion.
Mike: "Gay indigestion" – I'm guessing it's just like indigestion, but rather than reach for the Pepto-Bismol you just swallow some semen?
George: Something like that. We call it a “throat massage.”
George: More:
Chris: Courage Wolf: One of the stronger Advice Dog variations. In
contrast to Advice Dog, who might unknowingly lead you to do something
you’ll regret, Courage Wolf will help you achieve greatness.
Chris: Example!
George: Ha. I don't think that one works out in my world.
George: Or perhaps I should say, it works out well in my world.
George: If I show someone where the kitchen is or if he shows me where
his is, chances are one of us is going to bake something really gay.
Chris: Is gay baking bad?
George: It's kind of like gay parking.
George: Or having gay lunch.
Chris: Can't a gay guy bake just some cake, not like gay cake?
Chris: Can a straight man have some cake a gay guy made without becoming gay himself?
Chris: Why won't you let me have cake?
George: Gay cake is fabulous enough to turn anyone gay.
George: It's simply in your best interest not to eat it, is all.
Chris: Can't you just make straight cake?
George: I can't do anything straight.
Chris: You must fail a lot of sobriety tests.
George: Y'know we were trying to quip on gay indigestion, but couldn't come up with a thing.
George: Gay indigestion:
George: When “Tums” just aren't enough – try the entire hand.
Mike: Gay Indigestion: when Maalox simply won't do.
George: GAY-lox.
Mike: Gay Cake – I'll admit it, I'm curious.
Mike: See what I did there?
George: Ha. Cake-curious!
Mike: Bi-cake-curious.
Mike: I like both kinds of cake, you see.
Mike: Or better yet:
Mike: I'm bi-curious: I like cake AND pie!
George: Excellent.
Mike: Speaking of gay things – there was a gentleman at a recent party who played the accordion for us.
Mike: One couple decided it was time to dance.
Mike: Well, not the type to be out done or allow cutesy crap to go on for very long, Shane and I got up and danced right next to them.
George: Ha! Was it slow dancing?
Mike: At first it was folksy square dancing type, then Shane said "school dance in Utah!" and we danced slow, then he said "Book of Mormon length!" and we were about an arm's length apart.
Mike: Later in the night, Shane was asked to go get a bench from the garage. He grabbed me to help him (we didn't know how big the bench was). We came back wearing the other's shirt.
George: Rad! Did anyone notice?
Mike: It took a good couple minutes for anyone to notice – Pat was the first, and I told him if he had any worth as a minion at all he would keep his whore mouth shut and not ruin it.
Mike: Surprisingly, Shane's shirt fit me. Not well, but enough that I didn't look like someone had stabbed the Pillsbury Dough Boy.
George: Ha! Good work.
Mike: Shane had a black button up and I had my "Fuck off, over there, that'd be great!" – both black shirts, but different enough I would have expected someone to catch on.
Mike: Plus, I fucked up and buttoned the shirt wrong. 
George: So many ways to go with this.
Mike: Be my guest.
George: So you buttoned it up in some non-straight fashion? Gay cake strikes again.
George: If only there’d been gay cake at the party – then your shirt problem would have seemed completely normal.
George: Was there gay cake involved? I bet there was gay cake involved.
George: Now everyone knows you eat gay cake.
Mike: Die slowly.
George: Every day!
Mike: Nice callback.